Blogging 101: Dream Reader

Well … Joseph, my man, tell me, what does this crazy, crazy, crazy dream mean?

Oh, not that sort of dream reader?

The concept of “My dream reader” made me balk at first, but then I got to wondering: Who would my dream reader be?  What would they do?

So let’s see.  A dream reader would …

  • Read the post.  Seriously – posts are written to be read.
  • Enjoy the post.  I would hope
  • Like the post. Press the button; stroke my ego.
  • Comment on the post. Ditto
  • Look forward to the next installment.

They would also give me all the time i need to write, by cooking my favourite meal, washing the dishes, folding the laundry, taking out the garbage …

yeh, right! 🙂



Wizard Tower

We had a lesson in using the WordPress reader in Blogging101. I use the reader to follow blogs but didn’t realise you could follow tags as well. I tried the tags “wizard tower” and “erotica”. “Erotica” is a bottomless pit – no surprises there. “Wizard Tower” didn’t exist at all – which did surprise me; A Google search of Wizard Tower bought up dozens of hits for Clash-Of-Clans (a mobile war game) and Minecraft, just for starters.

I want a wizard tower, so I can blast my enemies to pieces with purple magic lightning-bolts from a great distance. Is that really too much to ask?

This post rectifies a sorry state of affairs – Wizard Tower is now a tag on wordpress. You’re welcome.

Blogging 101 : Introductions

Why are we here? I don’t know much about that. Maybe I don’t know much about anything. So … why do I have a blog? I honestly can’t remember why I started (Ok, I can now that I’ve just reread my original ‘about’ page). But I like writing, and that’s a good enough reason to continue. This blog presently has no obvious focus, but let me share a secret with you: It’s generally cheaper to visit a hooker than a psychiatrist (so I am told), and it’s cheaper still to write on a blog. You can say what you want to say, without having to pay by the hour just for the privilege of doing so. This year I hope to say something interesting about birds, music or anything rant-worthy. If I can make one person laugh out loud, believe I will have contributed something to the world.

I also want to get better at writing. The only way to do that is to write, write, write …

Love and pizza!


This chaffinch is not the same as the others; It’s a friendly little fella; perching on the edge of my picnic table in patient expectation. Birds in public parks are often ‘friendly’ as they have learned that, wherever humans go, food will surely follow. The artful arrangement of blue-gray and rusty-brown-ochre hues in this bird’s war-paint indicates it’s the male of the species. The most colourful birds of a feather are usually male. Hard-luck ladies; better luck next evolution.

Toss the bread!

The chaffinches waste no time snapping up the scattered crumbs of golden sourdough with their greedy little beaks. In an acrobatic flurry of farts, belches, whistles and fluttering wings, they hasten back into the lemonwoods, before the summer-sun can scald the beaks off of their pretty little faces. The birds then burst into glorious song, reciting gruesome murder ballads as they plot the demise of countless flying insects in the hours of dusk to come.

Photo credit: Charlesjsharp • CC BY-SA 3.0


The following is a completely unedited (mistakes and all) short piece of free-writing. I did this purely as a fun creative exercise:


Does anyone ask what a pig wants forChristmas? Pigs are usually eaten at Christmas. Any decent pig with half a brain just wants a good old roll in the mud. A muck bath. Dirst, dirt, glorious dirt. Rub it all over your head. Get it on your tits. Get down and dirty. There. Don’t you feel better nos. I jope you geel better. Get dirty. Get down. Get up. You’re an exercise machine!

Don’t put shit in a dishwasher or a washing machine. lift heavy weights and you will build muscle. Oh fuck, here comes the pig again. Run for your life. Just like screaming in that you tube video where the man is being chase \d by a cow. I read a computer programming book once years ago. The program printed out the message. “Mary secretly wishes to kiss a cow”. Strange. Cows can be quite comical if you are Garly Larson.

Photo Credit: Public Domain (downloaded from

Blackbirds and Starlings

NB: New Zealand’s blackbird species is the Common Blackbird, also known as the Eurasian Blackbird. Blackbirds in your area may differ. Blackbirds and starlings were both introduced to New Zealand in the 1860s. They like it here.

Know your birds. The starling and male-blackbird (female blackbirds are brown), at first glance, appear strikingly similar, but they are not birds of a feather. Here are some handy visual tips to distinguish our two feathered friends.

Tip 1: The blackbird has a much longer tail. This is easily seen in profile or from above.

Tip 2: Blackbirds hop along the ground in a dignified manner with both feet together. Starlings strut about as if they are the cock-of-the-walk.

Tip 3: In bright sunlight, the starling’s plumage appears irridescent green, whereas the blackbird’s plumage is a matte black, with a hint of blue.

Bonus Tip: Any bird lying motionless on its back with its legs sticking up in the air is almost-certainly dead. Should this fault be observed, please consult the user-manual for your particular model of bird, or seek advice from your nearest bird-trader.

Photo credit: Charlesjsharp • CC BY-SA 3.0