The following is a completely unedited (mistakes and all) short piece of free-writing. I did this purely as a fun creative exercise:


Does anyone ask what a pig wants forChristmas? Pigs are usually eaten at Christmas. Any decent pig with half a brain just wants a good old roll in the mud. A muck bath. Dirst, dirt, glorious dirt. Rub it all over your head. Get it on your tits. Get down and dirty. There. Don’t you feel better nos. I jope you geel better. Get dirty. Get down. Get up. You’re an exercise machine!

Don’t put shit in a dishwasher or a washing machine. lift heavy weights and you will build muscle. Oh fuck, here comes the pig again. Run for your life. Just like screaming in that you tube video where the man is being chase \d by a cow. I read a computer programming book once years ago. The program printed out the message. “Mary secretly wishes to kiss a cow”. Strange. Cows can be quite comical if you are Garly Larson.

Photo Credit: Public Domain (downloaded from


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