Go Google a Kite!

Imagine: The journey of a lifetime. Finally, you have arrived. All those months of working weekends and saving pennies have paid off. You’ve even taken the time to learn some of the language, and now you’re really here! – Walking through the country of your dreams for the first time. Everything is so new, so fresh, so vibrant. Every sound, sight, and smell a new wonder to behold. Even the sunlight feels exotic. Approaching a stranger, you manage, albeit a little hestitantly, in the local lingo, to ask “Excuse me, which way to the town-square?”. To which they reply with barely-disguised contempt “Google is your friend” before hurrying away.


Back in reality, I was once wondering who was playing Pedal-Steel on Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” (It’s Jay Dee Maness). Google didn’t pony-up immediately, so I asked the question on an Internet forum. The first response? “Google is your friend!”

Seems to be the de-facto answer in this decade, and I’m sure most of us have heard it (or used it) recently. Well, I have several problems with this reply:

1) The implication is that I’m either too lazy, too retarded, or both to try Google first.
2) No attempt has been made to answer the question. So why bother replying, unless you just like to think you sound clever? asshole!
3) Yes, just about anything trivial can be answered by all-seeing, all-knowing Google. But asking in a forum is an invitation for conversation between human beings. Why piss on that?

So to all you smug “Google is your friend” bastards …

Fuck you, and the horses you rode in on, you self-righteous, arrogant pricks!


3 thoughts on “Go Google a Kite!

  1. I think whoever said this heard someone else say it first and for some reason thought it was cool. Actually, it just sounds rude and not very intelligent to me. It’s also the kind of flip answer that’s liable to result in a bruised eye and a bloody nose at some point.

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