Chelsea smiled. She was well aware that passing wind was a ridiculous passtime, but it was a fun way to let off some steam. And besides, she enjoyed it. Having the sitting-room all to herself in the evenings was a pleasant consequence of her new hobby, and Charlie –Chelsea’s lumbering old chocolate-Labrador– had no objection. Verily, Charlie was an expert in the field himself. But there was a remarkable downside: the feng-shui.

(C) Grumpy Axolotl

L’oiseau. Ngā pātai.

Bonjour. Ko wai tō ingoa?
Tēnā koe. Je m’appelle Manu. Comment tu t’appelle ?
Ko Bewilderbirdee taku ingoa. Kei te pēhea koe?
Très bien, engari kei te hiamimi ahau, et toi ?
Çe va. Merci.
E hara i te mea he aha. Je ne suis pas fort, engari J’aime manger les chattes, e wāhine mā.
Auē! E hika! Hei te wā titoki e hoa.
Oui, oui. À bientôt. I put my head on backwards to sleep. Kua kore he tangata inaianei. Kei hea tōku wai?

(C) Grumpy Axolotl


Dailypost Prompt: Carefree

They come in all shapes and sizes. Actually they don’t really; they are all made out of tiffy-taffy and all very much the same. It’s the packaging that varies wildly. Walking down that aisle of the supermarket, it always fills one with superstitious and suspicious awe and wonder. The explosion of colors, patterns, styles. The uplifting mantras of confidence, hope, protection. The miracle of life, the mystery, the wish for a hysterectomy, the .. what the fuck?

That’s enough copy. Buy Carefree(R) Tampons today.

When the Rubber meets the Poet

I love my rubber duckies,
All lined up in the tub.
Smilling at me comically,
When I reach down to scrub.🛀🐤

I love this rubber dog-bone.
Fucked if I knows why.
I only have it on loan.
It isnt mine to fry.🐶

I love my rubber-spiders.
They came from my Aunt Mabel.
Eek!, they freak the dinner guests,
When left out on the table.🕸

I love this rubber chicken.
I got a cracker deal.
Police still looking for me.
It really was a steal.🐔

I love my rubber balls.
They bounce like nothing else.
You were waiting for that one.
But nothing rhymes with else.⚽️

I love this rubber suit.
It complements my flippers.
I don a kinky snorkel,
And go diving with the strippers.👯

I love my rubber-panties.
I love the way they feel.
But when they catch my lady-bits,
By golly – do I squeal!💃✨

Gibberish (aka Bored at Work) 👻

big data, big data, rupture the cloud
bad data, mad data, shout out loud

diddle the riddle to distort the statistics
mis-shape, malform, misfire the ballistics

index the catalogues
catalogue the indices
cattle oguethe in dices
rattle agog in slices

malfunction at the luncheon, buffalo on the go
earwigs rustling their twigs, settling into new digs

horse-patoodies. There are no earwigs at work; that’s a cockroach if ever I saw one.