Rictus : Three Line Tales

Photo by Carson Arias via Unsplash


No rest for the executioner’s axe.

The grisly nature of the job makes it easy to get ahead, though difficult to get head.

The pile grows.


© Grumpy Axolotl
Prompt: Three Line Tales

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Appalling!

Prompt: Lifestyle

So there was that time I visited a nudist resort. I was utterly horrified by what I saw. Here are some examples of what the utterly loathsome perverted creatures who haunt such locales partake in

  1. They swim in the pool
  2. Do gardening
  3. Play darts
  4. Play foos-ball
  5. Read books
  6. Play billiards
  7. Cook food on a barbeque
  8. Drink beer
  9. Play table-tennis
  10. Socialise
  11. Swim in the pool again
  12. Followed by sunbathing
  13. Play board-games
  14. Hold pot-luck dinners
  15. Waste time on jigsaw puzzles

All that and more … with bare bottoms.

Disgusting!

There ought to be a law.

Seriously though. If you have never partaken in naked swimming or sunbathing, you are missing out on some of life’s most simple and natural pleasures.

Moreover: Today is World Naked Gardening Day. Dig it man! But I live in the Southern Hemisphere. Venture outside naked at this time of year and it’s stiff-nipples guaranteed.


(C) Grumpy Axolotl

Windy-Pop

Chelsea smiled. She was well aware that passing wind was a ridiculous passtime, but it was a fun way to let off some steam. And besides, she enjoyed it. Having the sitting-room all to herself in the evenings was a pleasant consequence of her new hobby, and Charlie –Chelsea’s lumbering old chocolate-Labrador– had no objection. Verily, Charlie was an expert in the field himself. But there was a remarkable downside: the feng-shui.


(C) Grumpy Axolotl

L’oiseau. Ngā pātai.

Bonjour. Ko wai tō ingoa?
Tēnā koe. Je m’appelle Manu. Comment tu t’appelle ?
Ko Bewilderbirdee taku ingoa. Kei te pēhea koe?
Très bien, engari kei te hiamimi ahau, et toi ?
Çe va. Merci.
E hara i te mea he aha. Je ne suis pas fort, engari J’aime manger les chattes, e wāhine mā.
Auē! E hika! Hei te wā titoki e hoa.
Oui, oui. À bientôt. I put my head on backwards to sleep. Kua kore he tangata inaianei. Kei hea tōku wai?


(C) Grumpy Axolotl

The most Exciting Thing all Week

So I’ve been looking out my window. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a pervert; lots of people look out of windows. Don’t you judge me! It’s interesting what we focus on. Maybe it’s a case of small things amusing small minds. In this instance I’m looking at a small bird: An Eurasian blackbird, to be precise. And this particular specimen is stone-cold fucking dead. Bird has been dead for 2 weeks now. In that time, Bird has undergone a significant transformation, but let us back up a step. <rewind>

The first week was dead boring. A biologist would tell you that there was a lot going on under the hood – so to speak, but from my perspective the bird simply flopped around a bit as the wind dictated. So anyway, Bird looked just as birds do (sans animation) for about a week. 

In the 2nd week, the maggots became visible. Masticating meat-house maggots, merrily munching away. I love how nature cleans up after itself. I know maggots aren’t everyone’s idea of a good time, and I wouldn’t invite them in for tea and scones but the cycle of life is an endless wonder. Yesterday the carcass collapsed in the rain. It looks a bit disgusting but this is where the real fun starts. 

There exists a sparrow (one of millions) that is visiting dead-bird, and eating the maggots that are eating aforementioned dead-bird. Bird eats maggot eats bird. Different species of bird, but it’s almost cannibalism-by-proxy. The sparrow works tirelessly, returning every few minutes to gobble more maggots, no doubt whisking the little wrigglers back to the nest to feed the next generation of hungry beaks. 

The story ends there, but this whole scenario reminds me how simple it is.


(C) Grumpy Axolotl